What Happened? My Miscarriage

I cannot express my love for the Ovia Pregnancy Tracker enough. I cried tears of joy when the TINIEST little handprint imaginable appeared on my screen at 9 weeks pregnant. The little footprint was even smaller. I couldn't WAIT to see what week 10 would bring as I was so excited to watch my babys little hands and feet grow.

And then, Wednesday (9wks 5days) on my day off work, I noticed spotting on the tissue after urination. I consulted my friend and multiple websites and forums. Pink is okay, red is bad. I got in to see my doctor and he had me take a urine test. I seemed fine. It was pink anyways, so I was okay. Thursday (9wks 6days) I returned to work with cramping, but brushed it off as growing pains. Until I rushed to the bathroom to watch my dreams diminish. Blood. Lots of blood. I cried, googling and searching in hopes that this was normal. That someone went through this and the baby was fine. Even so the pain got worse so I rushed to the ER. They were quick to get me in and said they would put me on an IV to get a low dose of morphine. While the nurse comforted me saying it would kick in within 1 minute, I writhed in pain for 10 before the pain was finally bearable. At that point I succombed to my exhaustion (and the morphine) and fell into a light sleep. I have no idea how long I was out. Once in a while a nurse would come in and check on me, and I would tell them the morphine was helping (leaving out the fact that i was still very much in pain). I didnt want any extra drugs, on the IN CASE baby was still in there.

Eventually the doctor on staff was finished with the surgery he was performing, and came in with a portable ultrasound machine. The cool gel was honestly a godsend as I felt like I was melting (the nurses assured me my temperature was fine). Sadly, he couldnt find a heartbeat, and all he could see was "debri" in my uterus. The baby was gone. They prescribed me with some T3s and my mom came to pick up my car and drive me back to their house (on a side note, I work for my mom). She had me lay down and sent my dad to fill my prescription.

The next day I returned to work but again my mom insisted on bedrest. I took 3 T3s that day, 1 when I woke up, 1 at lunch, and 1 at 3pm. The pain neverly truely went away. Everyone always made T3s sound so powerful yet here I was in pain and the T3s seemed useless. Even so, I took them. I dont want to know how bad the pain would have been without them. At around 2pm, I passed a large clot, the size of 2 large grapes. I assume it was baby, but it was so red and bloody I guess Ill never know for sure. The pain went down to a mild cramp for the rest of the day, amd the bleeding continued with the flow of a standard period.

Now here I am, Saturday November 4th, 2017 (2 days since the ER). Emotionally, I feel fine. I have been very moody, but Im pretty much detached when it comes to the miscarriage. The pain is there, but bearable. I took a T3 an hour ago, so I am currently laying on the couch just waiting for it to kick in. Last night the bleeding went down so I was hoping today would be a better day but the bleeding is still there. At this point I dont care and I have been using tampons again. I fill one every 8hrs when Im asleep, and every 5hrs when I am awake.

Rex, on the other hand, is still very much in denial. And i guess it's only for him that I will be attending the ultrasound that had been scheduled for this following Wednesday. So that he can get closure. In some terms, I think he has accepted it. But in the back of his mind, hes still hoping baby is there, all safe and sound. No alcohol for me, even though all I want to do is drink until I fall down. Im not allowed any strenuous activities and hes making me take it easy.

That being said, apparently a woman is most fertile right after a miscarriage and the only reason a doctor recommends you wait 1/2/3 cycles is so that they can get an accurate due date. Which is funny because the due date is rarely spot on to begin with. Anyhow, once the bleeding stops we will be TTC again immediately. Whats the point in waiting? What do I have to lose?

On a side note, Rex is very upset with my doctor for brushing off the start of a miscarriage and says we will NOT be returning to him. So at this point, we dont care if we displease his wishes amd start trying again immediately.

Anyways, I hope that any moms out there going through the same thing can find this post and make use of it. Much love to everyone and baby dust to you all!